Too Much Positivity is Negativity

Written by: Javeria Khan  Date: March 14, 2024

Introduction.

It is an interesting paradox. In this world of self -help geeks, where everyone is trying to tell you that there is something wrong with you. It could be your diet, lifestyle, personality, sleep schedule etc. Influencers promote their toxic positivity business like crazy. The person who is suffering because of the recent trauma. Telling him that you are weak and mild because you can't fight back means you need to get up and work on it. We constantly try to shame that person for his grief. 

This is exactly same as telling a person ,who is brutally injured by a car accident to get up and walk to the hospital.

We need to understand the importance of sad emotion and negative thoughts. Be Positive! Chill!. But what is positivity? In my observation, it's just a matter of opinion. In your doctor's view, it is taking a healthy diet and exercising; in your friend's view it is travelling and hanging out. In your parent's view it is studying and focusing on your job.

Why Are We Obsessed with Positivity?

We are actually obsessed with perfection and a toxic happy culture. When we scroll through social media, we find posts like this. Be happy. Enjoy your life. Keep Smiling etc.

These posts may not seem harmful at first sight but if we contemplate that what if they reach to wrong person? Person who has been crushed by life difficulties and is trying to be stable but can't remain happy all the time. Although he is trying his best to keep up with life, but he can't smile all the time. He want to be serious and that is what make him peaceable. 

 Society will quickly assume that there is something wrong with him . He need to celebrate life like us; otherwise he is not happy. 

We should let everyone enjoy their life from their perspective.

We have all  heard perfection doesn't exist and is unachievable. The rampant promotion of positive culture often feels like capitalistic propaganda. It creates a sense of inadequacy, points out unnecessary flaw( no one is flawless) and then offers products or services to address perceived problems.Our obsession with achieving the perfect life, often associated with the American dream, has led us down a path towards an unattainable ideal.

Take the case of Jay Shetty a famous influencer with 50 million followers across social media.  Even Michelle Obama was on his podcast. He started his career in 2016. Now he faces allegations of plagiarism and and selling falsehoods. According to reports, there are many loopholes in Jay 's story about transformation with conflicting  versions of his origin

The controversial concepts of manifesting and positive affirmation. Self help gurus often encourages us to manifest and visualise our dreams. There is nothing inherently wrong  with setting goals and being positive. However, problems arises when people misunderstand these concepts and oversimplify them with slogan like "Be Positive No Matter What!" . This can lead to shaming and mocking those who are grieving.  Believing that merely visualising and talking about your dreams will make them come true is a fallacy. True progress requires action, not just words.

Social media has sucked away joy from ordinary life. We have come to believe that a simple, peaceful life is boring, colorless and full of misery. Additionally, our society is hypocritical. Everyone wears a happy mask, concealing their brokenness. We are expected to do the same- to hide our true emotions behind a facade.

Why toxic positivity is dangerous?

The main reason for considering it worrisome is that it leads to the suppression of negative emotions, such as sadness. Every emotion has its own importance and a person should be able to feel a range of emotions. Being positive or happy all the time, even in terrible situation, where you need to feel remorse to recognise your mistake and avoid it repeating again is not a ideal reaction.

Such person doesn't internalized the experience and overlooks many great details of life. The toxic positivity can be defined as rejecting negative emotions and replacing them with false reassurance.

This toxic positivity affects you in many ways. You could shame and look down on a person, who is feeling gloomy. You would avoid talking about difficult situation. You would see every thing like a fairytale and my daydream excessively. You would believe that other person's problem is not real and invalide their feelings. In severe cases, you would avoid standing up for something wrong and my assume it was illusion.

The perfect individual with a healthy and strong mindset experiences a range of emotions.

There could be many causes for believing in toxic positivity. In the eye of psychology, it is due to a defense mechanism called suppression and repression that occur in response to truma. The person himself may not aware that he is suppressing or bottling up his emotions. In worst cases, it leads to clinical psychological illness such as depression, maniac disorder, narcissistic personality disorder etc.

If one wants to read about the importance of pain, suffering, sadness. I recommend they read the books of Fyodor Dostoevsky and Friedrich Nietzsche.

According to Nietzsche,"There are no beautiful surface without a terrible depth".

"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering "

How to Avoid Toxic Positivity?

1. Accept your situation, if your are going through a bad day. Not everything is good all the time. It's okay to not be okay.

2. In order to know whether  positive affirmation is working for you or not. Do this exercise take a page drawn two columns, in one column write down your goals and action in other. Now see whether the two column are balance or not, if they aren't  then you need to take action to accomplish your dream and deal with the huddles in your way.

3. Compassion and empathy are powerful tools.when someone is struggling lend a listening ear,without judgment. Sometimes all they need is someone to listen.

4. Embrace your authentic self, if you are uncomfortable with anything express it. If you don't want to agree upon something then don't. People pleasing is also a root cause of toxic positivity 

5. Toxic positivity is the cornerstone of a corrupt workplace. You can't stand up against the illegal methodology of the workplace and begin to deceive yourself by saying everything is okay. So the basic point is to identify the root cause of your behaviour and fix it.